||[19 Feb 2005|10:57am]
*If every word I said
Could make you laugh
I’d talk forever (together my love)
I ask the sky just what we had
Mmm it shone forever
If the song I sing to you
Could fill your heart with joy
I’d sing forever
I’ve been so happy loving you* - I want this to be my wedding song, its so adorable.
Blah. I've been working way to much lately. We are loosing one person after another. Ugh, but its nice because its more money for me and my bday next weekend. By monday morning,ill have 39hrs for the week, that will be a hefty paycheck, thank god. So i've been in a pretty good mood this week, but I can't figure out why. Maybe because I've been working so much, I havent had the time to get stressed out, or want to have meaningless fights with anyone. I think i'm just finally back to myself again, it feels to be nice again but joke around at the same time. Cause i'm actually getting along with people, but some of it is really hard because its a change that will take time to get use to. Like I find myself getting along with people more at work and stuff, and things are great. You know a part of me knows I still have some growing up to do, but another part knows I've grown in a way, I think I'm satisfied with the way I am finally. I guess it takes hearing about other people I know still being a fat pigged slut or the same usual old friends who started drama in highschool still acting like their there and causing drama. I'm glad I experienced what I did with Rob, he was absolutely the most amazing bf. He showed me things I never really got to experience with any other guy, and I'm glad it happened. Ew dave and all those other guys were icky. Dave especially, like he took care of me and always made sure I had cigarettes and a full tank of gas when I dated him and had no job. But now that I know he truely wasnt that great of a guy, I feel like an idiot for dating him. I took care of him when he cut open his hand, drove him around everywhere, picked him up. but i do have to admit he took equal care of me, when i got sick the one night I slept at his house, he made me food that nikki gave me cuz i wasnt living at home. And he fed it to me, it was adorable, little things were adorable about him. But he's just all together a belligerent scumbag asshole, nice body tho, but its okay I'm glad I made alot of mistakes and dated many wrong guys. Learned many valuable lessons and got over the trama from Dave,which I never thought I could do,and ended up meeting the best thing to walk in my life, Rob.
You know what I'm really glad I've made the mistakes I have tho, because I grew into a person with more knowledge and understanding as to what seems acceptable and whats not,and matured in certain ways. I'm totally giving my opinion about things right now, which i don't care who offends, but I've been holding it in since highschool, and these certain people need to hear it finally.
Jamie, first off, grow up and dont tell me i'm the one who needs to, it won't work anymore. Your starting useless drama, because nicole's happy with mike, going to school, and leading a normal life, your angry at her because she can't make time for you well boo hoo. Not everything has to be about you all the time, but thats how its always been. You can't have a fully normal life unless u make time for jamie also. Fuck that. I've always been sick of your shit, especially Ashleys, you 2 love drama, and look your out of high school and your still causing it, not so much ashley anymore, but you do alot of it. Maybe you should start concentrating on your life more and taking care of youself instead of everyone else's, cause you need alot of help. Learn how to grow up, maintain a stable life of living instead of partying and doing drugs all the time, but god knows, you won't be able to do it, you'll never grow up and realize were not in fucking high school anymore,lifes not constant partying every weekend like it use to be, its more so having a full time job, saving money, college, growing up and facing the real world now. Look at why we arent friends anymore? Cause I didn't make enough time for you because I was dating Dave, well thats my fault. but you know what I don't regret it or regret the fact we arent friends anymore, because our friendship was bullshit anyways. U gave me so much shit for being with Dave, when the only thing I really regret was not showing up to Nikki's bday, I felt like shit. And than what do you know, you fucking become buddy buddy with Dave when Ashley is dating him, but you didnt fucking befriend her, when she didnt come around when she started dating him, did you? No,but you bitched about it to everyone because things werent going your way again. Loosing you as a friend, was nothing, it just made me realize you werent a true friend at all, for all the shit you and ashley tried putting me through my senior year, and you caused me alot of damage. But you know what I'm going to thank you, you and ashley, because of you two it made me a stronger person, and I don't put up with any shit anymore. Well your learning how to grow up and realize you were suppose to leave the drama back in high school and grow up, some of us have grown up, matured, and done some major changes in our life. As for you, your still doing your usual partying, complaining, and causing shit for everyone, and pretending like you live this lavish life and everythings perfect. Well let me tell you, its not. I dont care what you say anymore, I don't care if you and ashley still think I'm a slut, cause I'm not, I use to be I know that and I'm not afraid to admit it, but at least I grew up and realized alot of things, and changed who I am, and grew into someone who respects myself and is more responsible with my life than I ever use to be. I quit drinking, I quit drugs, and whats more important now is my life and not being the person I once use to be. Maybe you should try growing up and taking care of who you are, and not getting on everyone else about there life. sorry if you don't like what I've said, but its my opinion and i'm sticking to it!